Yes, I am completely aware that this is MY THIRD post for the day. Sheesh. But if it is any consolation, the last two were scheduled, so I didn’t actually write them today. Yes, I am guilty of doing that from time to time. Hope I didn’t just crush your thoughts of me sitting at the computer all day today feverishly typing away all these posts. ha

To be honest, this has been some week, and I just REALLY need a venting session. Do you mind if I vent? No? Thanks…even though I probably would anyway, its nice to know you don’t mind ha. {side note, do you know that my “confession” posts are most read and most commented on posts?? So crazy to me! Thank you so much for allowing me to be me!! } Anyway, this week has been killer. It went like this:

Monday: Evy threw up once and had a slight fever. Brandon left for Because of the Times. Since I was supposed to join him on Wednesday, I stayed up until 2 AM completing orders and getting my shipping pick up ready for the next day.

Tuesday: I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off dropping Jake off at school, picking up laundry, business meetings, finalizing packages, making sure all Jake’s school work for the week was organized, folding laundry, laying out outfits for my mom {she likes the kids outfits laid out because she say she can’t dress them as cute as me. ha. Have you seen my mom’s clothes? I keep telling her she’s crazy.}, getting our open house invites out, blah blah. My dear friend Heidi came over and finished my invites and helped me get packed. Our kids ran around the house like maniacs. Right after she left Jake complained of a stomache and started throwing up, I mean REALLY throwing up and didn’t stop until around 5 the next morning.

Wednesday: Jake’s birthday. I was supposed to take cupcakes to his class then hop on the airporter and meet Brandon in Louisiana. My flight left at 2:40, which at that time Jake was still curled up lifeless and in a fetal position. The mom in me couldn’t leave.

Thursday: Jake woke up much better. I woke up with pink eye. In both eyes. Right.

Friday: Evy woke up at 5 AM throwing up. She threw up all morning. My pink eye, despite the antibiotics, is still raging.

Me and Ev. And my very, very pink eyes. oh boy.

So tonight I basically threw everyone in bed at, get this, SEVEN THIRTY. Wow. I was that done. I don’t think I have had a week like this in a long, long time. Where I literally felt so spent and defeated. Just done. I had been thrown up on countless times by both kids. In fact, I went through every pair of clean PJ’s that I just finished washing on Monday. Yes I did. And my eyes are wow, so annoying. I think I have had total maybe 12 hours of sleep all week. And I felt so frustrated that I didn’t get to go meet up with Brandon as I knew it was important to him.

You know, it was just one of those weeks.

But you want the truth? Here it is: I knew this week was coming. Why? I can’t explain it to you, but I KNEW I wasn’t supposed to go to Louisiana. I think that is probably one of the craziest statements I have made in a long time, but when Brandon booked our tickets and I found out the dates, and I saw I was going to be gone during Jake’s birthday, I felt right then and there a check about going. Brandon was REALLY, REALLY bummed, but he kindly understood. He jokingly tells me that people think he has a fake wife since I never go anywhere with him. That always gets a HUGE laugh out of me because all they have to do is read this blog and they will know there is no fakeness about me. But I understand what he means.

If you read this post then you heard me say I don’t like conferences. I am sure many of you are shaking your head in shame, but please hear me out. I am introvert and large crowds TOTALLY overwhelm me. I was telling Heidi this and her response was, “Amy, you are the most social person when you want to be.” And she’s right. My mom taught me back in grade school when we first moved to Santa Rosa and I was starting a new school that, “To have friends, one must show themselves to be friendly.” So I learned right then and there that even if I didn’t feel like it, being friendly meant you make friends. So I am amazing at socializing- when I want to be. But large church conferences are still slightly stressful for me.

But that isn’t why I felt not to go to this conference. I just felt deep down inside that I was meant to stay home. Normally, when I am scheduled to go to a conference, I can get over the stress of the whole thing and center myself…telling myself that I am going to love it and get something great from the conference {because I always do}, but this time around I couldn’t find that in me.

So weird.  But now, after this crazy sickness week, I see why I felt that way.

I don’t know if God preordains sickness or not, but regardless, this was definetly NOT the week for me to be gone. I was going to leave the kids with my mom, who is awesome, but she is well past the mommy years and two sick kids would have been miserable for her. Add in my dad who has Parkinsons and several other health issues and she would have been toast! Also, the one day I would have been at BOTT would have the day I woke up with pink eye. NOT FUN. I can see myself now, walking around, refusing to shake hands because I have this highly contagious goopy red eye issue.

Right.

I learned a valuable lesson this week. TRUST MYSELF. I am not stupid. I talk with God. I listen for His voice. And if I am feeling strongly about something, I really need to follow that, even if it is hard on someone you love {like my precious husband-thankfully, after all that happened, he agreed with me wholeheartedly about staying home.}

I want to say this. I sincerely wish I was at the conference. I do feel like for some reason God has put his hand on my head and made me “stay put” so to speak for a quite a while now. I feel like I never get out or go anywhere. Maybe some of you do think I am fake. ha. And that bothers me some, to be honest. I want to meet all of you kind souls who have reached out to me. When I started this blog I had no idea that it would be read as much as it is. I had no idea that so many of you would be so kind to me and connect with me. And I had no idea that honest posts about life, parenting, business would be so welcomed by so many of you.

When Brandon is away, it never fails that when he calls me each night, he says, “I met so and so and they follow Evy’s Tree!” I am so, so, so humbled by that. And a bit scared by it too. I often tell Brandon that maybe God makes me stay put so people wouldn’t find out who I REALLY am {joking, of course, ha}. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I do feel that way. I hope the blog Amy that so many of you are so kind to is the same real Amy you meet in person.

So there you have my venting. Thank you for listening. It makes a person feel so good to vent. As I write this, it is pouring down rain outside and a little frog is chirping, or burping? Sheesh what do frogs do? I’m too tired to google it…anyway, he’s making noise outside our window. I.AM.SO.BLESSED. For some reason those noises: the rain and the frog, remind me that God is still here, and that His power is still surrounding me. I love that.

Many blessings to you all. I am signing off for the night and going to spend some time reading my Word. Thanks again for listening. xoxo

Oh PS, I have a whole inbox full of emails. I just couldn’t get much work done today with Evy hanging on me. I will get back to you all this weekend. Thanks! xoxo